you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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