I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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