i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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