We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
