I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
