If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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