Your tits are I can't wait for
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
