sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So much rum. So many feels.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
