mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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