the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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