Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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