Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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