You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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