May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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