Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
