Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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