dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
