you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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