I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
