Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
