wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
