A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
