Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
