Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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