Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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