there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
