please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
