At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
