OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
