Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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