life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
