so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
