Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
