The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
