I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize