I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
