Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
