I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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