Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
