dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
