My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
