I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
