kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
