kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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