They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
