i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
