Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
