Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry about my life...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
