Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
