he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
