dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize