these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
