Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
