We're facebook friends in real life
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
