my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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