last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
