i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
