her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
