At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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