So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
