We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the raccoons are back...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
