He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
