Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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