Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
