I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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