Plan B is the new Plan A
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize