Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
