Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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